What does “belief in G‑d” mean?

What if one morning you wake up and don’t feel that G‑d exists? But by the afternoon, it’s all cleared up and you’ve made peace with Him. And then, just after dinner and slushing through your social media feeds,Much like marriage and lasagna, a relationship with the Creator of the Universe is full of ups and downs. you ponder once again and can’t find any space to fit G‑d into your life. So He doesn’t exist all over again.

Much like marriage and lasagna, a relationship with the Creator of the Universe is full of ups and downs. Hey, it’s a relationship. When did you ever hear of a worthwhile relationship that was all smooth and sweet like chocolate mousse? How long could a healthy person remain in such a dull relationship?

Life with G‑d is meant to be turbulent. Look, it’s a wild proposition. Imagine a love affair between an ant and a blue whale. Well, Jewish life means a two-legged creature down on Planet Earth enters an intimate affair with an Absolute Being who called forth the entire universe from the void. That’s somewhat bigger than a whale.

You talk to Him privately three times a day, sharing all that’s burdening your heart, dedicating yourself to carrying out His innermost desires—and you don’t even get to see or touch Him, not even once!

(Okay, you’re seeing and touching existence, and He breathes within all of it. But still, the frustration is real, since we are such viscerally-oriented beings.)

So you’re asking, “Do I believe in this? Do I really, really believe in this enough to make all these commitments in life?”

But it’s all irrelevant. Because belief in G‑d is not a mindset. That’s a good thing, because our minds change from minute to minute. Belief in G‑d is a way of life. You set goals, you create habits, and you’re living with G‑d—even when you delude yourself into believing that you don’t believe in Him.

Of course, you have to think about G‑d once in a while. That’s what prayer is all about. Prayer isn't about saying words. It's a time for contemplation, a time to think about what you've learned, how it applies, and how mind-boggling it is that you are having this very personal and intimate conversation with the Inventor/Director of life, physics, and the spacetime continuum.

You know the story about the venerable religious elder with the long white beard who woke up screaming one night? He had dreamt that G‑d died. It was terrible.

His wife reassured him, “It’s like you always say: Whatever you think about during the day, that’s what you dream about at night!”1

He answered, “Not possible! I’m a busy man. I’m volunteering all day long? I run to the synagogue to be the first one every morning, give the Talmud class, visit the hospitals, run back for afternoon prayers, prepare tomorrow’s class… When do I have time to think about G‑d?”

The fact is, most of us doubt G‑d’s existence when it feels convenient to do so.

Yes, you can keep it and even teach it—and not stop to think about it even once. So that quite often the people who say they don’t believe in G‑d simply haven’t thought about who He is.

The fact is, most of us doubt G‑d’s existence when it feels convenient to do so. Like when we’ve taken on a lot more than we’re ready to handle. Or we’re loaded down with a weighty depression.2 For some strange reason, we imagine that the easiest way to unload some of the weight is to blow a hole in our belief in G‑d.

Or when life challenges our faith. Then we have a choice: We can hold on tight and let those challenges carry us higher spiritually to a wiser, more mature perspective of life. Or we can say, “Nya. Too hard. I never really believed to begin with.”

Sometimes, life throws you a hardball. Sometimes, it knocks you over. There’s shock, there’s grief, and there’s often plenty of anger, as well. You say things, think things, and feel things that you come to regret later.

The Book of Job tells the story of one guy Then there are the times that life throws you a hardball.who got hit particularly hard. He said all sorts of things against G‑d. But G‑d held none of it against him. From this, the sages learn that no one is held accountable for the things they say when in distress.3

Because having faith doesn’t mean becoming a zombie. A lot of times, real faith means arguing with G‑d. That’s what a Jew is, it’s the meaning of the word “Israel”—someone who wrestles with G‑d.

G‑d doesn’t disappear like a figment of imagination, and neither does your Jewish soul

Take comfort in the teaching of our sages, that every Jew is a “believer, the child of believers,” and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Even Jews that believe they’re atheists are innate, profound believers.

So it’s okay to feel once in a while that “maybe I don’t really believe.” Because, even then, He’s still there. And so is your connection to Him. G‑d doesn’t disappear like a figment of imagination, and neither does your Jewish soul.

And, besides, He believes in you, just as He did yesterday.

Read The Kabbalah of Dips, Downs, and Transformations